Amusing American News

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Amusing American News

Post by Mr Spook on 29th December 2011, 6:28 pm

Being one of the largest countries in the world (population wise), this little country of mine also houses one of the largest collection of assholes and mental deficents anywhere on the globe.

I came across some amusing (and maybe also pitiful) bits of news in the last couple weeks and I thought you all might like to hear some, you know, for yet another reason to have a laugh at those stupid Americans. Very Happy

1 - A woman was recently arrested after she got drunk and called 911 (emergency services) to report that she had eaten too much.

2 - A man in New York was cold on Christmas day. So naturally he stole a bus that was sitting and idling at the bus station, then proceeded to drive it 60 miles to go visit a friend.

3 - A Florida man was hospitalized after going into the market and stealing a pair of live lobsters. He attempted to smuggle them out of the store by stuffing them down his pants and walking out, but the lobsters had other ideas and managed to get a nice grip on his... "manhood" with their claws before he could leave the store, thus effectively incapasitating him until police could arrive.

4 - A teen in Florida was caught shoplifting a package of $1.19 cookies. He then proceeded to rip open the package and stuff them all into his mouth in an attempt to eat the evidence before the cops could be called.

5 - A 24 year old man mugged a guy sitting in his car in a parking lot at gunpoint. The man complied and handed over his wallet and such, then the mugger got greedy and ordered the guy to get out of his car so he could steal that too. Turns out the guy in the car was a fighter for the UFC, and upon stepping out of his vehicle, he proceeded to beat the living fuck out of the mugger.... who also was unfortunate enough to manage to shoot himself in the foot with his own gun during the fight.

6 - A man in Michigan, who was dressed like Batman, was found dangling off the side of a building one morning. He apparently tried the scale the side of the building as he practiced his art of crimefighting, but managed to get stuck and couldn't get back down or free himself.

7 - In Maryland, a local store was hosting a yearly christmas event called Shop with a Cop, where members of the local police departments take underprivilaged kids toy shopping for christmas and such. In the middle of said event, a local teen walked into a back storeroom, opened several boxes, and attempted to conceal about $650 worth of videogames in his clothing, and then walk out of the store that was full of police officers.... he didn't quite make it.

8 - A man left his car running in the driveway of a home is desided to rob. The owner of the house came home while he was inside, and desided to take the man's wallet and keys out of the car and call police. He fled on foot before the police arrived, but the cop had his ID from his wallet. Even better, later the same day, the same man broke into yet another home and made use of a computer in the house to check his Facebook page. He didn't remember to log out before taking items from the home and fleeing yet again....

Yeah, it's stories like these that make me SO proud to be an American. I need to think about moving to Canada or something.
Mr Spook

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Re: Amusing American News

Post by ^^Truth on 29th December 2011, 6:33 pm


Love the lobster one Smile
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